I’ve spent the past hour practising piano after a few days of feeling truly awful today I was able to make the most of my time off and for once I’m not doing uni work constantly I’ve put it away for a few days. I’ve been so tired that I’v just been sleeping and feeling poorly and sleeping some more. Now I’m waking up and getting back to my normal self, starting with a few early nights, some good food and doing some things for me.
I’ve finished my book, played piano, listened to some music and watched some TV. It seems like silly little things but I’m just letting myself relax and I’m hoping that this is going to put me back on track before I head back for my deadlines, work and everything else. It might be a boring post tonight but I’m just so happy to be curled up with some cheesy TV to make me laugh, some chocolate cake and a cup of tea!
I’m pleased to let you all know we finally have a flat for second year! A deposit has been put down and Ali and I will move in in July at some point. I’ve just called him and said ‘hi roomie’, the thought of moving in with him is so exciting, so nervewracking, so everything. It’s been a really stressful time, trying to get everything done and make the right decisions and I wont lie to you it’s really taken a toll on me mentally. As silly as it seems, something like this alongside my deadlines makes me really stressed, stress makes me anxious and being anxious makes me low. I want to do a top tips blog at some point for things like housing but I’ve been feeling really poorly the last few days and I finally got to sleep at 5 this morning, so I’m writing this only half awake.
Here’s to the future.
My snapchat to the boys
Dan went days ago, Ben left yesterday and Rhys is on a flight back to the states and so today seemed like a good time to head back to Basingstoke, although it meant leaving Ali behind for a few more days. I’m excited to be home and I can just feel myself relax. I’m itching to get back in my car and have a cruise around before finally heading back to Kingston to get those P plates on my car, well hopefully.
I’ve been really excited and relieved to be going back home, when someone in the work office asked me the other day how many days it had been since I’d slept I couldn’t remember. Last night was ok but my sleeping pattern is so screwed at the moment which is why I keep mentioning sleep. I don’t know why but I know that the last time I went home it got right back in check so here’s to hoping.
Tonight I got to watch my sister and little cousins at their Tae Kwon Do class which was fun. I’ve never been sporty but these kids are incredible, the whole class is actually amazing, watching them all together it’s like they all share one mind. For this class which has 7-12 year olds in it it’s something else. All of my cousins and my sister are sporty, I’m not but that’s ok, I love seeing them shine :).
So now I’m home and I’m looking forward to some time off, I have books to keep me company, some friends to meet and a lot of sleep to catch up on!
Ahh I’m finally back on the laptop and ready to write for you all. The last few days I’ve been feeling pretty low, as you can imagine I don’t get prior warning that I’m going to hit a low. With the tiredness, stress of assignments, stress of flat hunting and being alone a lot it’s easy now to see why I’ve been so down. I haven’t felt like writing lately, or doing much. I’ve focused on my work and tried to carry on with the things I have to do, and everything else was kind of just left.
I have so much going for me at the moment and there is so much going on that even though I’m happy it can get too much and turn into something that is too much. I hate my lows and I feel like I let a lot of people down when they happen, especially when they’re up and down like they have been lately. The important thing is that I’m trying and I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’ve been able to just say when I need to take a step back and look after myself, well I’m trying anyway.
These are the king of things that make me carry on and try to raise awareness of mental health. As I said in my presentation it’s all about good days and bad days and how you deal with each. So the last few days have been tough, but I’m ok. I have supportive friends and family and I wont let this beat me. I’m also trying to trust doctors again, although this wont be easy because I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with them before, telling me things that weren’t true or not helping me.
I know this is a bit of a weird post but I don’t know what else to write about today, hopefully things will start being sorted tomorrow and I can go back for my Easter holidays on Thursday and finally relax and sleep.
Do you ever have one of those days where everything feels too fast and too slow? That’s how today feels. If I’m honest I don’t feel too much like writing but I do have some blog posts from this week to upload for you all. The problem with a daily blog is that sometimes you don’t feel like writing or you have nothing to say, hopefully there will be more fun to write about tomorrow.
Dinner and cocktails!
I’m allowed to get a little sentimental today, well I think so. 6 years ago today I first fell for Ali we were both so young and got together for the first time after I told him ‘well I’ll love you anyway’ he blushed and ran away. The shy boy with the guitar now means more to me than life itself. Mushy stuff aside today was another step together which is more nervous and terrifying than the times that I’ve said I’ll go out with him (twice if you want to know) we went to a flat viewing and actually liked it.
Now as with all flat viewings I’ve been to lately I panicked and cried after, it feels like so much pressure to decide all this and sometimes it just gets too much. Luckily we have a weekend to think it over and talk about things. I’ve come back tonight and made a list of pros and cons and hopefully by Monday we will have made a decision and could have found our first home together! How weird is that!
By the grand scheme of things we’re taking our time, but that’s really the only option you have when you met someone at 13 and decide to go to uni. After dinner with Ali’s mum and her boyfriend we managed a quick cuddle before I had to go back again. Although we’ll really celebrate in August I can’t wait for the next 6 years or even the next 60 if we’re lucky enough.
Today was my first Student Ambassador payday, and I had absolutely no clue about it. I’d emailed a few weeks ago and been told that we were going to be put on the new payroll at the end of the month so training turned to excitement that I was finally earning again! I’ve been working since I was 16 and it’s incredibly important to me to earn my own money. Although I’ve taken the student loan it feels really odd to have money given to me and not have to earn it. I didn’t mind it but it’s always been in my head that I don’t want to live off my loan if I can help it. I love earning money and the feeling it gives. If I won the lottery I’d still do something, maybe not to earn but I’d probably travel, support charities and study many different things because to me a large amount of money would mean opportunities.
So I’m not a millionaire from this job but I love the feeling of earning again, being able to save money. I get stupidly excited and pleased that I’m finally doing a job that I’m really passionate about. I get to blog and earn, it’s something of a dream to me which I never thought I would get to do after uni let alone during. So today has enabled me to put more of my student loan towards a nice flat to rent. We’re looking through estate agents now so fingers crossed.
I was working again today 2-7, sacrificing seeing one of my oldest friends Grace but she understands that this was training I had to do for work. I’ll buy her a cider when I get home, after 10 years of being friends I get very emotional now she’s finally 18! We’ve been waiting for well over a year to go to the pub together and it can finally happen!
So I’ll go to bed tonight with a smile on my face, I’m finally earning again and that masters doesn’t seem as impossible as it did before!