Ahead of an incredibly busy week I started cake decorating! Thanks to the wonderful Kate from Sugar Town Cupcakes (check them out on Facebook, absolutely amazing) I can now add amateur cake decorator to my CV, ok I’m not that good yet. These classes take place in our local library from time to time. One one of my earlier blogs I learnt how to make loads of flowers, today it was birthday cupcakes and I was chuffed with how they came out!
It seems like a perfect way to start birthday week (yes a week, if the Queen get’s two birthdays why can’t I have a birthday week?!) I have so much planned, tomorrow I’m seeing Joe for my mystery present, Tuesday I have band practice and a concert, Wednesday work, Thursday my family are coming to see me, Friday a birthday meal and Saturday a big surprise for a friend and then an evening out!
I have my plan for the week, I’m feeling better and well who wouldn’t smile after being taught how to make these beauties!
There are three little girls who are important to me. My sister (who isn’t actually that little any more, my cousin Lola (who is apparently very much like me when I was her age) and my God daughter Alexia, Lexi for short. I see Summer and Lola usually whenever I come home, I always see them on their birthdays and Christmas. When it comes to Lexi I’m not as lucky.
I’ve been friends with Lexi’s mum Lucy since I was 11, when I constantly forgot her name and used to call her ‘frizz’ because of her hair. It is because of this I first met Lexi when she was 2 weeks old, I fell in love with her and well, it never stopped. I got texts for all her firsts, collected her with Lucy when we finished college and LOVED to babysit if Lucy needed it. Lucy managed to get through her exams and then final year of college and then go on to study law at university, taking Lexi along with her. Out of all my friends in Basingstoke I think that saying goodbye to Lucy and Lexi was the hardest. Even at times when me and Luce weren’t that close (we’re both quite fiery with strong opinions) I always cared about Lexi. Imagine how excited I was when we arranged to meet today? It’s been about 2 months since I last saw them. I was nervous, last time I met up with Lucy and Lexi it took her a while to warm to me again, today that wasn’t a problem I got so many cuddles and giggles, it melted my heart.
So why am I writing about this cheeky little toddler on my student blog? She’s a big part of my life and so is her mum, who is also a student. Lucy manages a toddler with just her student loan, how she manages I don’t know. Actually how she does uni and be a mum at the same time slightly baffles me, but Lucy gets on with things, we’re quite similar like that. Although we’re fairly different we have fun together. I’ve always wanted to make sure she’s still Lucy too, not always Mummy! Even if nowadays I can only give her a couple of minutes while I chase Lexi around the library. I also happen to show the pictures around the office at work whenever I get the chance, who doesn’t say aww at that beautiful face!
The rest of the day was spent with family and right now I’m exhausted, whether that is to do with a certain toddler or not I don’t know. Whenever I see her I think a lot too, I’m a long way off from having a family of my own, and Lucy fully understands and respects that. Sometimes though I look at the adorable little curls, the way she cuddles her mum and I just melt a little, but don’t worry my faithful followers there will not be any growing of small people for a long time yet!
So today is…
7 days until my birthday
8 days until my birthday meal
9 days until I’m part of a big surprise
11 days until my Student Loan (thank god!)
18 days until I go back to uni
I love being excited and September has always been a month where I am in full countdown mode, December is too but well who doesn’t cont down to Christmas? I could down until book releases, albums I want to read. I love it. When I was struggling at school I’d check off each day I was at school and would be able to tell you how many more days there were. I like having something to look forward too, it’s important to me. I like to organise what I’m doing. Control freak? I suppose sometimes I am but it’s a way of not being anxious.
Why am I writing about all these count downs? I realise that I’ve written a lot about mental health lately and while I haven’t been negative I have been struggling. I wanted to show you all how amazing this month is going to be, how amazing this year is going to be actually. I have so much that I’ve got going on, it’s going to be a little overwhelming at times but I’m just so excited about it all! It’s not that I’m wishing my life away I’m just focusing on the positive things to come. I hope everyone can do this at least once in a while :)
It’s no secret that I’m passionate about mental health, nor is it a secret that through my life I have had to deal with bad lows. I’ve watched friends as they hit self destruct and have people close to me who came through after a suicide attempt (and I am thankful for every day I spend with them…you know who you are).
I’m using today’s blog to raise awareness and I know lately my blog has been full of mental health but I want to make a difference. Today has been the first day this week that I’ve felt 100% again after meeting with mentors, going over my plan and carrying on.
Suicidal feelings are not as uncommon as we’d like to think, it’s different from thinking about death. It’s a terrible sense of hopelessness and feelings of everything just being too damn much. It can take a little or a lot to shift a person out of this, for some it’s an attempt that didn’t work, for others it someone to help them or a change in their life. It’s not a set formulae, there’s no magic cure, each case is different because we, as people are different.
There is something we can all do, it’s simple but it could save someone’s life. We need to talk and be open. If any thing losing the great Robin Williams last month has shown that even the brightest people can be hiding the pain they really feel. A person doesn’t suddenly wake up and think ‘I’m going to kill myself today’ listen to the people around you, recognise anything you think unusual and talk to them. You have no idea how much someone just saying ‘how are you really doing today?’ can change someone’s life.
Some people believe that suicide is a selfish thing. ‘How can they do that to the people who love them!’ people often exclaim. Think about it. Really think about it. These people mostly believe there is nothing they have left to offer the world, they see themselves as worthless and their loved ones would be better without them and their burden. They’re not selfish, they are ill. It is an ILLNESS and I’ll scream that at the top of my lungs if I have to. Some of the most famous suicide notes ever written talk of the love for family, children in particular and feelings that they would be better off without them. This is not selfish behaviour.
All I ask is that maybe today you call someone who’s been feeling down or let someone going through a rough time know that you are there for them, you have no idea the good it could do. I’m not saying everyone is suicidal but as someone with depression a little light can make a world of difference. Just talk.
Rest in Peace to all of those who cannot be with us today.
Thank you for reading,
Second year is approaching and not as fast as I would like. Everyone I speak to is so eager to get back to uni and I’m no different. It has been a long 5 months off, I’ve been bored, I’ve been busy. Now I’m ready to get my teeth stuck back into being academic. I’ve been doing my Independent Research Project over the summer research pages, criticisms, novels anything. Books have been brought, papers printed and emails going back and forth.
The boys will all be back by the end of the week, my other friends are slowly coming back and it’s birthday week next week. I’m going to be so busy and I can’t wait for it all to start. For now, I’m struggling through my Victorian Literature reading list, we’ll see how long that’ll take me!
Phil, Ben, Alyssa and Laura
I’m back! After a few days of quiet and thinking I took to getting out there again. Thursday’s post Outside meant opening up about something I hadn’t been comfortable with. It has been an up and down weekend which has been really frustrating. I want to be out, be happy and not have to think of worry but that’s not always the way this works.
I met up with my mentor and talked through things that I needed to and started trying to put together a plan with the idea of taking everything one step at a time. This month has been hectic and has had so many changes it’s not surprising I’ve been feeling up and down. Now I’m focused on getting through it all with the support of my friends, family and of course Ali.
Tonight I was a little worried about going to the pub it went from just being me, Ali and Ben to a whole big group of people. I felt a little anxious, would I be ok? Would the pub be ok? I went and had an absolute blast! I knew the others from Kingston Hill and got to know some of the people on Ali’s course better. They’re really great people and we had so much fun! I can see a lot of nights out in the future with Dan and Rhys’ housemates and a lot of visits too!
I’m proving to myself that just one step at a time, taking it day by day I can get better, I will get better. I’m feeling hopeful.
After the birth of HRH Prince George ( I do not own the rights to this photo).
Clarence House has announced this morning that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their second child, a little brother or sister for one year old Price George. The couple (pictured above) have been the source of pregnancy rumours for the past year.
The young couple are ‘very pleased’ to announce the news, however, as with the Duchesses’ last pregnancy she is being treated with morning sickness. Although morning sickness is common in pregnancy Hyperemesis Gravidarum is an extreme case where women are regularly monitored in hospital as they find it hard to keep down fluids.
Once again the couple will find themselves in the middle of a media storm, back in 2013 the media camped for weeks outside the hospital to catch a glimpse of future King, George. As the count down begins, I wish William, Catherine and George congratulations!